Dear God,

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

No Love,

Steve

Apparently my ability to make people comfortable with just talking to me has officially got two people interested in dating me.....One in Minneapolis......and the other in Dayton Ohio.......*sigh* Why can't people closer to me be interested in dating me?

Well he's not really dead. But if feels like it. The Man that I fell in love with has been destroyed by the overwhelming paranoia that he'll be outed by me. I can't describe just how much this hurts even worse. I wish I could just find out what caused him to hate me so much.

Starting this coming week, I go to the gym at least 2 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm going to fucking make him wish he didn't hate me as much as he does now. I'm going to make him regret ever leaving me.

Dear God,

Its me Stephen. The guy you've screwed over a couple times in the love market this past month. You made me first fall for a completely unattainable guy, then you make me fall for an emotionally unattainable guy. I'm beginning to wonder if you hate me or something because this is just some fucked up shit you have going at me. If the sluttiest friend I have can find someone that might love him back then why the fuck can't I? Am I just unlovable?

No Love,

Stephen Smith.

So recall my last LJ post about my happy dating time? It ended almost two weeks ago. I'm mostly over the major emotional crap but there is still slight twangs of emotional pain. I hate when people chose to emotionally break you but want to still be friends. And then treat you like crap without reasoning. I hate love and emotions. I sometimes wish I was numb. This city holds almost nothing for me now.

Last night is officially the sorta happiest moment of my life....Not only do get confirmation from him that this is not just some "oh we had sex" crush but a full out one....but we decide to take things slowly and are essentially dating. I don't know if I've ever felt this happy before....EVER!!!

Side Note: What is with people being stupid I tell a friend that I didn't want spoilers for last night's Grey's Anatomy cause I didn't see it. What does he do? He posts fucking vague stuff on his facebook and then slowly people start elaborating and giving out details. I. Hate. SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! particularly ones this major

Everything hurts. I feel like vomiting. Someone please kill me.

*sigh* Life was going so well and not it could be taking a turn for the worse. Think Cheerful thoughts. You'll find a job. I hate my program for practically forbidding me to have one. But I will find a job. I need to find a job.

Had the most amazing night last night. Got to spend the whole night talking with the guy I would like to date. I actually managed to make him smile for the first time all day yesterday which makes me feel special. Even having to write write a test in an hour and a half doesn't bother me. I got to chat with him and it was fun, and then I have a job interview at 1. So I could potentially have employment. Happy Days.

Ok I don't know if its because I wasted most of my day at the college waiting for people to give tours to but only one showed up, or the fact that abso-fucking-lutely none of my friends remembered me when they went to a show that I really wanted to go to. I currently hate all my friends. And I hate life. And I just wanna curl up in a corner again and cry myself to sleep. I need something to at least make me feel like it was worth waking up today.

Reason #1 - My college program may like to say that they are preparing me for life but in reality it just feels as if they are preparing me to have a mental breakdown.

Reason #2 - My college program seems to enjoy giving us extra crap to buy that isn't even mentioned at the beginning of the year as a need. So I'm bordering on dirt poor.

Reason #3 - Because of my nearly dirt poor status I may not be able to pay off my next month's Rent. I have $180 to my name. And rent is $500. You can do the math to gather the suckiness of it all. And my parents will just say no to helping because they have enough crap even though they don't have kids and are apparently trying to sell their house. They also keep getting new vehicles and crap like that.

Reason #4 - The fucking homework that is due tomorrow won't co-operate and I can't get it done unless I pull an all-nighter tonight.

Reason #5 - I need a job but my program has a "We own you bitches" policy that makes it so I can't get a job. I'm almost to the point of saying Fuck You to my instructors and getting a job.

I! HATE! TECHNOLOGY!!!!!!!!!!

Fucking POS Laptops always die on me. Maybe I'm jinxed.

*sigh* Back to using college comps and trying to amuse myself daily without the interwebs

Ok went and saw Twilight tonight. and I have to ask myself one thing. WHY?!?!?!?!

Ok my complaints were a couple things. Vampires don't avoid the sun cause they sparkle, they avoid it cause it can kill them. And since when is it necessary to do research on vampires? With what she was given it wouldn't be too hard to deduce that Edward was a Vampire. Seriosly WTF?!?!? I think she should have been a blonde.

Dear Flist,

Why do people almost never comment on my posts? I know I post enough. Sure sometimes its two weeks between a post but usually I post pretty frequently so why do I not get comments?

OH. MY. GOD!!!! This is just too funny

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Sites

When I hear people commenting on how much of a good night sleep they had I have to wonder, what is this sleep they speak of?

Note to Self: Painting at College till almost 6 am = HORRID IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear California,

I'm highly saddened on the "Yes on Proposition 8" that is being broadcast.

No Love,
Me

Dear Arizona and Florida,

YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!

No Love,
Me

Note to self. Still crushing on Straight Boys is not a good thing. Nothing will ever come of it. *sigh* If only the only other gay people I knew about weren't the campy uber-queer walking stereotypes.